She called me this morning and woke me up to tell me to stop being so god damned crazy. She said: I went away for a couple days to North Carolina and came back and everyone tells me you're freaking out. What's up? My roommates said you left this long message on the answering machine, really weird and long, singing ‘Kissing a Fool,' the whole thing, on my answering machine. You took up the whole tape. It was weird. What's going on?

Driving to work after I got off the phone and took a shower and dressed in yesterday's dirty clothes I tried to sing that song through my sore throat but I couldn't even remember the words. I wish I could, but all I can remember are the key changes and the crescendos and all that crap. It is a really pretty song and all and if I was going to sing a song to a girl on her answering machine it'd probably be that one. That song kills me. But I wouldn't do it all weird. And it pisses me off that THE god damned LITTLE RED-HAIRED GIRL just thought it was me right off. I asked her if she listened to the answering machine tape and she said: No, I didn't want to. If she had listened to it herself she would have known it wasn't me. To tell you the truth it doesn't even seem that crazy to me that someone would sing on an answering machine but it still wasn’t me. She just listened to her roommates and assumed it was me, which means she assumes I'm crazy.

If you really care about anything for real then everyone thinks you're crazy. I admit I'm a little weird and all but you're not allowed to be even a little weird without people assuming you've bought the whole god damned funny farm. To tell you the truth it seems crazy to me that people get close and all and then later act like it never happened. That seems more crazy to me than caring about something and not being able to stop caring. I quit talking to her what else does she want me to do?

She's weird too and that's why I liked her so god damned much so you'd think she'd understand. But everyone tells her I'm crazy so now she thinks I'm crazy just like everyone else. And I might be, but I didn't sing into her god damned answering machine. When I told her I didn't do it she said: It just sounds like something you'd do when you got down. That was a real cheerer upper. Even if I was gonna sing 'Kissing a Fool' on her answering machine I wouldn't do it all sad. Where would that get me? But it obviously wasn't me since I can't even remember the god damned words to the stupid song.

Later in the conversation she said she believed me that it wasn't me and she apologized for accusing me but still that kind of thing screws everything up cause no matter what she says I know that some goddamned part of her still thinks I did sing that song on her answering machine. And no matter how many times she says she believes me that I didn't do it I will always suspect she thinks I'm crazy even if she doesn't. Everything's all screwed up now no matter what.

So I told her: Well, I'm not gonna call you at all anymore, ever, so next time someone sings on your answering machine then you know it wasn't me cause I'm never calling your phone again. And she said: Does that mean that you don't want me to call you anymore either? Which is a stupid question since she called me two god damned weeks ago and told me that she couldn't talk to me anymore and wasn't gonna call me ever again. So when she asked if I didn't want her calling me I said: Well, you already said you weren't gonna call me anymore. All she could answer to that was: Oh, yeah.

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